I am fearing an explosion very soon. There has to be a back log in my bum area surely. Not only have I not pooped, but I haven’t farted either! I have images of a big poop laughing at the little gas pockets because it wont let it out.
So, when I eventually poop, is there going a huge pocket of gas that will come out and lift me off the toilet? I used to fart all day and all night and now I have nothing. Not even one of those little squeakers.
What is going on in my bum that I don’t know of? Is it the dukes diet that is stopping my natural bodily functions? Or is this how ‘normal’ people live? It has been so long since I have been a skinny but I am pretty sure I pooped at least once a day and if I didn’t do rumbling farts, I am pretty certain my bum blew the occasional tune or two.
Where does the gas come from? I have heard it comes from green veggies and baked beans so perhaps, due to my eating nothing but meat, I have no gas production anymore. Whilst this may be a good thing, sometimes it is funny to drop a big one and have everyone leave the room so I can then change the tv chanel to what I want.
If there is a silent gas production happening, what happens when the big poop doesn’t let it through and it builds up to dangerous levels? Do I then explode? Will bits of me be all over the office? I wonder if I Google ‘Missing Farts” what would come up. Does anyone else worry about their poops and farts as much as me? Am I alone in this world with my thoughts on body functions?
Stay tuned to the owner of a now tuneless bum
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