LBL v's BBS (It's all about wee)

I thought I had found the answer to walking fast therefore burning more calories therefore increasing the chances of waking up skinny quicker!

I had finished work the other afternoon and said to a colleague that I wasn’t going to go to the toilet before leaving work that night because I figured it would make me walk my 2.5 kilometres home quicker. Are you agreeing with me right now? It makes sense hey because I would need to walk faster to get home even if I was too tired because I would need the toilet.

Well, this worked very well to start with because I already needed to go to the loo. I was grinning away to myself for this very clever invention of mine and almost smirking at other fatties walking home at a slow pace because they didn’t know of my cleverness.

Then it happened. Half way home and the ‘wanting to go to the toilet’ became ‘NEEDing to go to the toilet’. My bladder was now full to the top and needed emptying and I was what seemed like miles and miles from my house. And no, there were no public toilets near me at this stage.

My brisk walk now developed a bit of a hip swing to it as I tried to keep everything in the bladder and not have an early release! The discomfort was horrible and the only thing on my mind was my house. My front door, my toilet!

Then I started thinking about those new ad’s on television advertising this LBL thing which stands for Light Bladder Leakage. Now this is all well and good to have pads for this but do they have them for BBS? That stands for Big Bladder Squirts. What if you don’t have a little delicate bladder that leaks gently? What if it is a big one that gushes out instead of leaks? Yeah, they didn’t think of that when they were marketing this and this LBL could well be a cause for a discrimination case from those with big bladders.

You know how when you are hungry right, and peoples faces look like a delicious hamburger or lamb roast? Well park benches and even small shrubs started to look like shiny white toilets! It was getting near impossible and I was trying to think of everything BUT toilets but they were flashing before my eyes.

Finally, I turned the corner to my street and saw my gate! Oh the joy! You know what I am talking about don’t you? As I got the key out to open my gate, I realise I had ‘relaxed’ a little and almost left my bladder deposit right there on the street!

By now I was in a mad panic and raced through the gate and got to the front door fiddling around for the correct key, keeping everything as tight as can be and raced through the house not even grunting a hello at my dog, and made it to the bathroom.

My neighbours were all probably very envious of the sexy time I was having due to the groans of pleasure not knowing it was only a wee hehe. That was one of the most amazing wee wee’s I have ever had in my life. The joy and sensation of having that wee made me cherish toilets all that bit more.

I wont be using this technique again and I don’t recommend it to anyone.