Bum Sniffer!

I am a sniffer. Amongst being a Mother, a girlfriend, a daughter, sister, friend, cousin, niece and a worm (long story), I am also a sniffer.

Like most people, I sniff the milk to make sure it is still ok to use. I also sniff my  underarms to ensure they are still fresh (I do try to do this in private). As previously posted, I sniff boob sweat and I also sniff my hands, especially when I have washed my hands in a new bathroom. I also take a big whiff when I enter a toilet to see if someone has pooped before me. Not because I like it but it is habit.

So anyway, I found a new scent you may not have discovered.

Before I tell you what it is I want to make a few things clear…

1.     I am not sponsored, nor have I been paid for advertising by this toilet paper company

2.     This is quite a normal thing to do (I am almost certain)

3.     I do not need a lecture on the chemicals I am putting near my lady bits and bum

4.     Let me be a sniffer!

So, it starts last weekend when I had had a bit to drink. I was on a wee bit of a bender and naturally, the toilet is a common place to go. Drink a couple of drinks and wee out a months worth of piddle!

There I was piddling away when I realised the loo paper was almost out. Not only am I a sniffer but I also have this obsession with being the first to use the toilet roll.

Even once I have done my bizzo, wiped and flushed… if I have changed the roll of toilet paper, I have to use the first bit before I can leave the toilet. And yes, this goes for public, private and my toilet.

Anyhoo., last weekend I was doing my bizzo when the roll ran out. Not only did I change the roll mid stream, I realised I had to poop. Not unusual I know but I was left sitting on the loo with the empty toilet roll in my hand.

At the risk of free advertising, I am going to name the toilet roll I was holding (if you are a marketing manager for Quilton Toilet Rolls, email me for the address to send the cheque too) when I decided to smell it. Yes, I smelt the toilet roll.

Well we all know I love the toilet so smelling the toilet roll shouldn’t shock you (unless you are a newbie to this blog).

Anyway, it smelt amazing! It was a smell I would almost follow down the city mall if I smelt it! OMG it was gorgeous! Amazing even. Keep in mind I was doing a number 2 here but even if I had been just chilling out on the toilet, this toilet roll would have had me at the first sniff!

Drunk as I was, I took the empty toilet roll, including the three empty toilet rolls that had been previously discarded on the floor, to bed with me that night as an air freshener! I kid you not! This is not written for the population and fans of this blog, it really happened.

How do I know I hear you ask? Well I don’t really hear it but that is what I would ask if I was a reader. The reason I know it happened is because I woke up (with the hangover from hell) to find all these toilet rolls next to my bed. Aaahahaha so it had really happened. And yes, I smelt them to ensure I wasn’t drunk imagining the smell.

So I tell you, next time you are on the toilet, have a sniff of your toilet roll.

I have greenie friends that should probably not attempt this because goodness knows what YOUR toilet roll smells like but I can tell you, mine smells amazing there fore, my butt is smelling like a bunch of roses right now!

PS: thinking of dieting tomorrow!