Are they sausage fingers or are you just happy to see me? oh, a sausage would be nice.......

More realisations of just how fat I am came about at the local café today.

Boss Lady took me to a coffee shop for a little tete a tete all about me and she even bought me a cuppa.

Once it was bought to the table I realised that my finger wouldn’t fit through the hole in the coffee cup handle! OMG what was I supposed to do because it was too bloody hot to pick up and I wasn’t going to be there all day talking to boss lady… so I had to point it out to her.

Well, didn’t she just think this was a riot! She laughed and laughed when I told her I couldn’t put my finger in the hole of the handle. I looked at her cup and she had a fancy schmancy cup with a bloody huge hole that even I could have fit all of my fingers into.

So, whilst she sat enjoying her cuppa, I proceeded to blow and blow like the big bad wolf to cool my coffee down. I really wanted this coffee and could smell it but couldn’t get it up into my mouth. 

Finally, I drank my coffee but am now doing finger exersizes on my desk in the desperate hope to lose some finger weight before my next coffee in a café.

On a side note, I am still doing the Dukan diet and the bloody thing is broken. Yes, the diet is broken because I stopped losing weight at 3.5kg. now, it could possibly be because I rode my motorbike to work every single day and maybe because there was strongbow at the bottleshop that needed me to buy and put into my fridge and drink but surely, I could have lost about another 20 kilos but nooooooo, I didn’t. 

So, I have decided the best course of action is to just stop for a while and start again and lucky for me, there is a three day weekend starting in 2 hours and 45 minutes whereby I will eat, drink and be merry (practicing for Christmas time) and start again on Tuesday. Surely the diet will work much better after this ok.

Stay tuned……….am about to wake up skinny any week now J

I'm Shrinking!

Woke this morning and hopped on those scales and low and behold, another kilo of me has gone missing. This is now impressing me a great deal and am liking this Dukan Diet more and more.

I have completed ten days of 100% protein and whilst I do love meat and stuff at the best of times, I am totally amazed that my sweet cravings have just disapeared.

Apparently, I can now introduce some veg and salad into my diet and once I get the book back, I'll have a read and see what I can have and for how long.

If you happen to find my 3.5 missing kilos, do not return them to me thanks!

xx on the way to skinnydom

Still Wobbly

I have received a couple of emails asking if I m ok. If I have woken up skinny. The simple and most honest answer is no. I have not woken up skinny and yes, I am ok.

Unfortunately I haven't had the miracle success I expected from the Dukan Diet but I am persisting. I have lost 2.5kg but that is where it has stopped. While I eat cow after chicken after egg, I haven't moved since I lost 2.5kg. Dont  misuderstand me, I have MOVED as far as walking in the heat, longer distance, but it hasn't done anything! Still, my loss stays at 2.5kg.

Am thinking...... I might just give up on losing wieght. Oh  I know, I hear you, I say that but I dont meant it. 

I shall sleep on it and let you know how I feel tomorrow because right now, I feel like a cheeseburger, a couple of blocks of cadbury chocolate family blocks, a carton or two of some kind of gluten free beer/strongbow cider and a lamb roast or two......

Stay tuned, I'm HungryQ 

I POOPED!

Five beautiful little nuggets were expelled last night. Thank goodness! I am on the mend.

Oh, and have now lost 2kg in four days (today is day five).

....Waiting

Still. No. Poop. :(

The Mystery of the Missing Fart (and poop)

I am fearing an explosion very soon. There has to be a back log in my bum area surely. Not only have I not pooped, but I haven’t farted either! I have images of a big poop laughing at the little gas pockets because it wont let it out.

So, when I eventually poop, is there going a huge pocket of gas that will come out and lift me off the toilet? I used to fart all day and all night and now I have nothing. Not even one of those little squeakers.

What is going on in my bum that I don’t know of? Is it the dukes diet that is stopping my natural bodily functions? Or is this how ‘normal’ people live? It has been so long since I have been a skinny but I am pretty sure I pooped at least once a day and if I didn’t do rumbling farts, I am pretty certain my bum blew the occasional tune or two.

Where does the gas come from? I have heard it comes from green veggies and baked beans so perhaps, due to my eating nothing but meat, I have no gas production anymore. Whilst this may be a good thing, sometimes it is funny to drop a big one and have everyone leave the room so I can then change the tv chanel to what I want.

If there is a silent gas production happening, what happens when the big poop doesn’t let it through and it builds up to dangerous levels? Do I then explode? Will bits of me be all over the office? I wonder if I Google ‘Missing Farts” what would come up. Does anyone else worry about their poops and farts as much as me? Am I alone in this world with my thoughts on body functions?

Stay tuned to the owner of a now tuneless bum

Day Three of the Dukes

I Still Haven't Pooped!!

According to the enemy (my scales) I have lost 1.1kg but I dont understand how that can be seeing as I haven't pooped in two days now.

Where is my POO?

Another thing I have noticed is my wee wee's are crystal clear. I think I could pass it off as a high quality spring water it is that clear. Not sure what happened to my pretty coloured science experiments I used to wee out so I will not only keep an eye out for my poop but will monitor my wee's now as well.

Stay tuned........

Where is my POO?

Just a quick one......... I haven't pooed today.

Those of you who have read earlier posts know I am almost obsessed with Poo. Now with the Dukes Diet, I can't poop. I have never been constipated but I am worried that this is what is happening. Who doesn't poo? You have to poo! How long should I wait until I go back to the doctor?

I was just at the doctor today and it didn't occur to me that I hadn't pooped yet because I had an early appointment. Now I am very worried. I usually poop quite a few times a day.

WHERE IS MY POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The Dukan Diet v's Me

Right. Totally motivated with my new diet. The Dukan Diet! It says I will lose a gazillion pounds (am not sure how much a pound is worth in Australian measurements but sounds heaps hey?) in no time and I will see results in the first day! Well, it is day two and am still a fatty!

Prior to trying this Dukan Diet, I tried Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation. The only real transformation I had during that twelve weeks was I became a better cook due to new recipes. The beginners exercise made no sense to read let alone DO! So I moved on to my next adventure and left Michelle behind.

Following the failure of the Michelle Bridges diet and exercise program, I participated in the Dry July where by I consumed no alcohol for a whole month and then continued into the next month. Still no weight loss.

Then came the meal replacement protein shakes. Whist this was the best one yet, I put on 2 and a half kilos! I replaced too bloody meals with milk shakes and put ON weight!! What is with that??

So now I am on the Dukan. Lets call it the Dukes because that sounds a whole lot better ok? Now, I am only aloud to eat protein for the first five days. When I read that I was like NOICE! I love meat!

Day 1’s food was

2 Boiled eggs

100 grams of Lean Roast Beef

1 Porterhouse Steak

2 Chicken breast fillets without skin

5.5 litres of water (not including my herbal cup of tea I forced down)

So, that is a great deal of meat huh? Remember I said I love meat? Well, last night when I opened the fridge, I saw a cucumber. It almost had a halo around it. I almost started dribbling just looking at the cucumber! Then, out of the corner of my eye, there was a carrot!! Please oh please let me have a bite! Just a small one? But no, in the book it says this line quite a lot

THIS IS NOT NEGOTIABLE!

I couldn’t argue with Dr Dukan now could I? So,  I quickly shut the fridge and ran back into the lounge room. It was a very difficult moment for me, the room was spinning, I was tingling all over. It took all my strength to eat my steak and ignore the cucumber, the carrot, the yumminess of vegetables. What bloody diet doesn’t let you have a carrot? Well, this one obviously but it isn’t fair.

So now, am on day two of Dukes. I am supposed to have lost some pounds already according to the book but I am still in my size fat clothes. I even walked to work yesterday and then walked home. That is over 5 kilometers of activity and there were moments I thought I couldn’t go on. That I might have to phone someone to pick me up. Breathing was tight. I was getting light headed. Ok, so it wasn’t that bad but it was hard work all the same.

I also had my implanon removed (that is a contraception which was in my arm to prevent temporary fatness whereby you end up with a baby) and surely that has been a contributor to my fatness hey? There is a strong feeling in me that this object was in fact the major cause of my fatness. So either tomorrow or the next day at the latest, it is highly likely I will wake up back to my normal weight of skinniness and this blog will change to I WOKE UP SKINNY – THE END.