Balloon Lady

I was a bit jumpy when I went to bed last night because ‘dog’ is in the country having a run around with boyfriends dogs so am all alone right now. I had locked all the doors and double checked them all before heading to bed but was still a bit out of sorts.

Finally, I fell asleep and woke a few hours later to the strangest feeling on my finger. I wear a ring on my left hand and it felt like someone was trying to steal it! OMG I was so scared. I had images of a robber person standing over me trying to get this ring of my fat little finger.

Then I realised it didn’t feel like someone pulling it off but more like pushing on it. I decided now that a rat was trying to eat my finger and has probably mistaken it for a small sausage! Where Is My Dog When I Need Him??

I snapped my hand away from robber/rat and turned the lamp on. There was nothing anywhere. Not a person or rat or even little fly.

You know what happened? In my sleep I must have gotten even fatter because my ring was squeezing my finger and it was so uncomfortable that it had woken me up!

Once I had soaped up my hand and arm, I finally got the ring off my finger and wondered if I should admit myself to the emergency department because yes, I am fat but is it possible to get even fatter in your sleep. The ring on my finger certainly wasn’t uncomfortable before I went to bed.  I was concerned but thought about what I would say to the emergency department?

• I woke up fatter… or
• Help, I’m a balloon! Pop Me!

So I decided to not bother with the emergency department and went back to bed, ringless but yes, checked those door locks again for safety.

Turns out, I am not a balloon at all. Auntie Flo came to visit and it is because of her that my fingers ballooned up. Even the best locks on the door don’t stop Auntie Flo visiting. Blugh