So, remember last time how I wore out my fat jeans from my thighs being best friends? Well, I went and bought a new pair and because I am still fat, I figured I would just get the cheapest size fat jeans. There is no use trying these jeans on because I am not going to be looking at my fat ass in the mirror to see if I look sensational.
Today I put these jeans on and realised that half of them are missing. Where the hell is the top part of my jeans? Yes yes yes, they are elastic waist but they are BUMSTERS!
Who on earth designed these things? Very few people look great in hipsters let alone a fat chick in bumsters! I almost injured myself by pulling them up to high not realising the stop short. It is still a little tender ‘down there’!
So to all the fat clothes designers, here are some of my suggestions for you to follow
- a pouch to put the stomach into attached to a pair of jeans
- we DO NOT want fitted t-shirts that stop just above the waist
- skinny jeans are for skinny people, just be honest and call them fat jeans
- we DO NOT need G-Strings because our normal knickers become G-Strings
- double lining needed between the thighs to stop holes from rubbing together
- no leggings should be available to anyone bigger than a size 6
- sexy lingerie? Are you kidding? Not necessary thanks
- if you need padded push up bras being a size fat, you are not fat enough
- sports singlet and shorts? We Are Fat! Do you think we need these?
- winter coats. We have enough blubber to keep us warm, coats not needed
that is all
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