I bought a fat suit. Yep, you know what I am talking about. Those huge big massive pants that go up to your boozies and down to your knees and suck the fat in. I must say I was a bit scared to start with wondering where the fat goes. Like, am I going to put this thing on and become super skinny and then my head explodes because the fat went all the way up! Or was I going to have saggy baggy knees because the fat came out the bottom of the pants? Well, obviously neither happened but wow! Are these things ugly or what?
Going to the toilet is always an experience for me but now, I have to give myself an extra ten minutes just to get everything off! Pulling them back on is a challenge too because I need a bit more room and there just isn’t enough of it in the cubicle.
What really annoyed me is that I look nothing like the lady on the tag of my new wonder pants. Why put a size six model on a “size fat” pair of fat suckers? Having said that, I don’t want to see a size fat model in these things either so perhaps they should just have a drawing of the pants or something.
So with a weeks worth of walking, wearing a fat suit and drinking meal supplement shakes for two out of three meals, I have lost a whopping 500 grams! Are you shitting me? this is just stupid! Perhaps I am already at my ideal weight? What if all of the books are wrong? They tell me I should be substantially lighter but according to who? I mean, I can buy size fat clothes everywhere, I can fit on my office chair without hanging all over the place (hang on while up pick a boob up of the ground), right, now I am not hanging all over the place, I can get from A to B without the need for a crane. So, why do I have to lose weight?
Thankfully, the shakes are yummy so I will continue having them for the time being. I am really running out of time and motivation. I have 127 days to be fit and fabulous before I turn the HUGE 40.
I have heard that the more you do something the easier it becomes. So tell me why, when I wake up in the morning, I walk like a 90 year old!? I can barely get one foot in front of the other and my entire body hurts. I feel like I need a human sized bandaid to put on me because I can’t work out where the pain starts and finishes. After five days of walking I was exhausted! I did not start to enjoy it and it didn’t get any easier so the next person who tells me this lie might just get a face full of abuse.
Something positive did occur on the day five of walking though. My boss said to me that I looked like I was glowing. (no, she wasn’t looking for information as to weather I am fat or pregnant because she knows I am just fat). So I felt a bit chuffed with her comment and just glowed for the rest of my day. I didn’t think much more of it until Saturday when boyfriend (not a big one for compliments) said the exact same thing, that I looked like I was glowing and happy. Well blow me down with a feather. It must be true if boyfriend said it too!
Anyhoo, you’ve listened to me ramble long enough but I will leave you with this discovery, exersize makes your body do strange things like ….. give you a period and I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT THAT
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