Tents

Big problems are arising. There is no escaping this one and I am in a right old pickle about it all. I have no where to turn. I don’t have enough money to escape it.

ITS SUMMER!

Shit, that means one thing… let the flab hang out. Seeings as though I just sweat my way through winter, summer is not going to be a walk in the park. Well, I can’t imagine even walking to the letter box out the front of my house let alone to the park but that is a whole separate issue.

SUMMER.

If I was rich I would catch the next flight out of Australia. Summer and me do not get along. We are not friends. At least in winter I can blame the bulk on extra clothing. Not that I got to do that this winter with the fatty sweats I had. Remember those? When I thought I was going through menopause and it just so happened it was fatty fat fat making me sweat so much. Which reminds me, have you ever smelt the sweat underneath your boozies? GROSE! Try it next time you feel a bit of sweat there and no, do not attempt yoga to smell it, just run your finger under your boobies and then smell.

Geez. I can not believe I just gave instructions on how to smell your boozie sweat.

So, back to summer ok? Last weekend I had to go to the tent section of my wardrobe to find something most suitable for a damn hot day. There is no dress on the market that I have found that suits a fatty. And what really shits me too is the fact that there are invisible insects that live in my wardrobe that nibble on my clothes reducing their size each season.

So, I put on a tent that felt amazing last season, it had room and even had a bit of a ‘flow’ happening. Now that the insects have had their nibbles, well, three course meal, this dress now fit as snug as a bug in a rug which is not how one wants to feel on a hot day! And to add to that, now that I am some what fatter, the dress snug and the big sweats happening, I now look like I am in a tennis dress with a bag full of tennis balls in my bum and having played ten billion rounds of tennis. Either that or my dress looks like it is a few different colours instead of one.

One can not wear a dress that tight made of a tshirt material with sweats! Or bumps. Or even having had a glass of water. Note to all dress makers. If you are going to make a dress sized fat, do not make it out of t-shirt material which shows everything!

As you have probably figured now, I do not look forward to summer. I barely look forward to spring.  I will cross my fingers that Moo Moo’s come back into fashion real quick otherwise I am stuffed this summer.

Oh, about the diet, I am going to start it again on Monday because I quit for a while due to it not working. Seriously, is there such a thing as a diet that works? I am starting to wonder if I should take up smoking again, or maybe get into drugs (no idea where I would start) or something.

That is all for now